Rage

Rage. That is my predominate emotion lately. Rage at those who call for the execution of officers. Rage at those who carry out that call. Rage at those who cheer gleefully when they hear of an officer being cut down.

No officer is safe because these animals don’t care about who they kill, just THAT they kill someone wearing the uniform.

It never occurs to them that the man they see die has a wife at home tucking their children into bed, telling them daddy will be home in the morning. The mother lies to her children unknowingly.

These deranged souls don’t see the 2 am knock on the door, where the wife sees her husbands Captain, her pastor and a representative from the mental care side of policing. They don’t see her knees buckle even before anyone says a word.

They don’t have to explain to a four year old why daddy is never coming home again.

No, all they do is pull a trigger over and over again.

I pray daily, hourly in fact, that my husband is safe. That he comes home and kisses me again. That the kids get to say “Daddy! Watch this!” just one more time. Every time he leaves for work I wonder if it will be the last. But I can’t dwell on that because kids have homework to do, showers to take and dinner to eat.

What is the focus of these sick demented people? It is singular. Kill.

My rage builds with each officer I hear about. And I have nowhere to put that rage. So I push it down, way far down, and I cry. I pray. I donate when and where I can to the constant stream of sites.

And I secretly wait for husband to call, text, or come home before I can breathe again. Because then I at least have one more day, one more kiss, one more time to tell him how much I love him. And then he leaves for work again.

If you’re reading this and you have supported the Black Lives Matter crowd, or silently cheered when you hear of another officer gunned down, or are planning to kill an officer, know that I am praying for your heart to be softened. That’s all I can do for you. Because you hate me and my husband without knowing us, anything I might say to you will fall on deaf ears.

To those officers out there, trying to protect us all, know that you are covered in prayer as well. And should the unthinkable happen, know that we will not rest until justice prevails. Because we ARE family.