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I have a bone to pick with society. There’s a phrase I hear often, and heard a LOT when I got married. “Happy wife, happy life!” Really?!?!? Is that how it truly works? The wife always happy while the husband constantly works to maintain her happiness? Ummmmm no thank you!

My marriage is a partnership. We are BOTH allowed to be happy. We BOTH work at making each other happy. We BOTH are allowed to fail at that task. We BOTH forgive one another when expectations aren’t fully met.

Jokes about husbands only allowed to say “Yes, dear!” (there was actually a sitcom titled that) and saying the wife being happy makes everyone happy is absolutely demeaning to marriage.

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You want a successful marriage? A truly successful marriage?

Be. Equal. Partners.

That’s it! Were you expecting a 12 page dissection of good communication, showing respect, being loving, supporting one another? Nope, not my style. Just be partners.

Partners do all those things listed above. Their individual success is so closely tied to one another that they WANT to have the other succeed.

Maybe it’s not all that mind blowing, but it so rarely gets said! Let’s change that phrase, that unbalanced phrase of “Happy wife, happy life!”, to a very balanced “Happy spouse, happy house!”

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Because, in the end, isn’t that what we all want?

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Have you heard the phrase “polite society”? What does it mean to you? No really. What do YOU think it means?

It’s an important question to answer. Why? Because what you consider polite society to be determines how you act in society. For instance, if you think people should be gracious and courteous, you will likely allow someone to get in line in front of you at the grocery store when they have one item and you have a cart full.

However, if you think it means everything should run in an orderly fashion, you make that person with one item stand behind you because you got there first.

Which one is right? Which one is more polite?

I’m in the former group and get really irritated when I encounter someone in the latter group. Does that make me right or wrong?

You see, we’ve thrown around this phrase of polite society without truly thinking about what it really means. Truth is, we all have an image of what makes society livable.

And yet, I believe there are some basics we can all agree on.

Using please and thank you. Smiling at someone when you look at them. Opening a door, or holding it open, for someone coming through at the same time. Listening when a friend needs an ear. A personal one of mine, adhering to the right of way at a four way stop sign.

But what about those situations where it could go in a couple different ways? Well, that’s when we need to have grace. Grace to acknowledge the other persons actions as not rude. Grace to consider looking at things a different way. Grace to offer forgiveness when we encounter truly rude people.

Grace is what we’ve truly lost. We get so wrapped up in our version of polite society that we forget that we don’t make the rules. We are not Miss Manners. We are not Emily Post. We are not Dear Abby. We are human…and so is everyone else.

Everyone is just trying to navigate to world as carefully as possible, and we all make mistakes. How are you doing at allowing others to make mistakes? How are you doing at acknowledging your own mistakes?

There will never be a wholly polite society. The sooner we get comfortable with that idea, the sooner we can start treating each other with grace and civility.

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Last night, Las Vegas played host to the Johnson/Weld campaign. I was fortunate enough to attend the rally at The Foundry inside the SLS hotel and casino.

This election has been chaotic and is led by two frontrunners, Clinton and Trump, many people are not that excited for. Enter the Libertarian ticket of Gary Johnson and Bill Weld.

Both men are former Republican Governors in predominately liberal states. Gary Johnson was a two term Governor for New Mexico and Bill Weld a two term Governor for Massachusetts. They bring to the race a dual message of fiscal responsibility and social liberty.

While their message is one of freedom, historically the Libertarian ticket has not faired well in the political world. At least up until now. This particular election has grown the Libertarian base in big ways.

For instance, the Johnson/Weld campaign has raised more money in the first two weeks of August than Johnson raised for his whole campaign in 2012. Gary Johnson and Bill Weld are starting to become less obscure candidates and more household name candidates. Most importantly, they are poised to take the stage for the Presidential Debates for the first time…ever.

Pretty impressive for laid back guys that show up in jeans to a campaign rally held in a nightclub!

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Don’t let that laid back exterior fool you! Both men lowered taxes in their respective states during their tenures as Governors. Both men are insistent that, were they to be elected, they would send over a balanced and scaled back budget within their first hundred days in office. And that fiscal sense sets them apart from Clinton and Trump.

Aside from balancing budgets, both men laid out a platform of reduced government, reduced taxes, greater trade deals, opening truly free markets, immigration reform, and supporting the second amendment alongside opening discussions about screening for mental health issues and potential terroristic issues.

While they need to streamline answers to certain questions on religious freedom in business and use of Executive Orders, they are very clear about what a truly Libertarian presidency would look like; describing it as true bipartisanship throughout by having people from all political spectrums in their cabinet.

Their strength is in promoting free markets. Gary Johnson, a very successful businessman, is aware of the struggles that career carries. As a result, he is passionate about getting government out of business saying “Uber all the things! Take the middleman out of the equation!” and “Free market is devoid of government interference.”

This may be the year for the Libertarian ticket! Bill Weld summed it up well saying “When going into the last month before an election and you have the choice of money, organization, and momentum; You. Want. MOMENTUM!!” Hearing them speak live really gives a much better sense of their excitement, passion, and that amazing momentum.

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I’ve been watching the case to be made for allowing trans individuals to use the restroom/shower room of the gender they believe they are. The drive behind these laws is based in compassion.

Compassion for the individual uncertain about their own gender is understandable. But where is the compassion for the countless number of girls and woman at best uncomfortable, and at worst terrified, of the loopholes provided to lecherous men with evil intent?

We’ve already seen cases of this happening. The reason this happens is we are not allowed to question if someone IS trans. We just have to accept that no one would ever lie about such a thing.

I suppose no one reading this remembers the show Bosom Buddies? I know, I know, it’s stretching, but it was a show about 2 hetero guys who dressed as women to save money on rent. I may add they both fell for women living in the same building. I mean, yeah, it was a situational comedy, but these guys had access to seeing these women scantily clad WITHOUT the women knowing they were men!

Are we so willing to allow our daughters to change at the gym in front of a man in women’s clothing? How do we know which are trans/harmless like the aforementioned tv show, or dangerous sex offenders? Could you tell them apart?

The solutions are incredibly difficult to go over and acknowledge. Someone IS going to be hurt. But we can’t protect everyone all the time. So here are the 3 possibilities. 1) Go back to saying whatever genitalia you have is the bathroom you go in. This could disenfranchise approximately .3% of our population. 2) Use whatever bathroom you identify with. This has proven to put women in danger, so roughly 51% of our population. 3) Consider creating a gender neutral bathroom, smaller than other gender specific ones, and let the trans population decide where they prefer to be. Their actual gender, or the neutral room.

Laws based on compassion aren’t inherently bad. The trouble lies with whom you are being compassionate toward. Our job is to protect the vast majority. I’m no mathematician, but I am PRETTY sure 51% is greater than .3%. Criminals will exploit laws. They’ve already exploited this one. Are you willing to wait for physical assaults before repealing them? I’m not.

In our house, we have no real tv. As a result, my kids have taken to watching various YouTube channels. Some are silly, like FailArmy. Some are annoying, like all the Minecraft reaction channels. Some are mildly amusing, like iisuperwomanii.

Now I personally prefer binge watching 9 seasons of Supernatural on Netflix inside of two weeks, but that is often thwarted by the YouTube stuff. Recently, my eldest daughter was going through the superwoman channel and landed on a video where the host, Lilly Singh, answered questions from fans.*

I normally cringe at this stuff because the questions tend to be sexual in nature, or just wholly inappropriate for my 12 year old to hear. However, I have to give credit to Ms. Singh for 1) choosing questions that were both funny and appropriate, and 2) answering them honestly.

One of the questions was truly intriguing. Ms. Singh was asked if she was a virgin. I braced for the response…and breathed a sigh of relief with the answer. Yes. She is (or at least was at the time of answering) a virgin. She used to be weird about answering the question because she feared shaming. Shaming for holding onto the very last piece of innocence anyone holds? Shaming for choosing to not engage in something so unique and special it should be reserved for husband and wife? Yep. She thought she would be shamed for admitting to not having sex.

My daughters listened to her response. They paid attention. Here was someone they admire and respect saying that it was perfectly fine to not have sex. Someone who is accomplished, young, funny, smart, successful, and (more importantly) who is NOT mom, voiced her advocacy for being a virgin as long as you can.

In this world of Kim Kardashian dropping clothes faster than the Flash can get across town, here is a breath of fresh air! Now, I have no idea if Ms. Singh is still a virgin, but I did come across a post she made on her Facebook page a couple years ago that bolsters what she said in the video.

Regardless if she is or is not still a virgin, she advocates for those who are! She is doing what she can to take away the weird stigma society gives to 20 somethings who make a choice to not give away that piece of them to just anyone. What’s crazier is that stigma gets worse for those older than 20 something! Why? What good does it do for a woman to go have sex with anyone just because she is “too old” to still be a virgin?

My life choices made sure I did not wait until marriage. I regret that. Of all the decisions I have made in my life, that is the one I wish I could go back and undo. The truth is sex is emotional. Very emotional. You do tie yourself to the person you have sex with. Taking that out of the equation actually allows you to see the relationship through a much clearer lens.

That’s the lesson we should be teaching our children, and especially our daughters. You get one shot at giving that last piece of innocence away. One. Don’t waste it on someone not willing to love you, honor you, and stay with you even in the worst of times. Your body is yours, right up until you give it fully to another. Make a wise choice where that is concerned.

*For the record, I attempted to find the actual video, but there are SEVERAL ask superwoman videos, and I simply could not sift through them all.

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Dear Quentin Tarantino,

Recently you participated in a #BlackLivesMatter event in NYC and declared police officers to be murderers. This, despite the fact that the city had seen 4 NYPD officers executed while on duty in the last few months; one just days prior to the event and your comments.

Now, I would never stop you from using your first amendment right to free speech. In fact, I love hearing what people really think as it helps me decide who is worthy of my admiration or who I should ignore. Your comments put you in the latter category. Yes, I understand the irony of this post considering that analysis, but this will be the last time I care about what you do.

I am a LEO wife. I send my husband to work everyday and pray he comes home. My kids and I forgo having daddy home on holidays, weekends, and special events. My husband gives up sleep to be a part of Christmas mornings (he works graveyard) or to help me with carpooling duties. He provides well for our family, both monetarily and in a leadership role.

And you call him a murderer.

My husband has never been involved in an OIS, nor has he killed anyone for any reason by any method. He’s been assaulted, spit on, had feces thrown at him, called a racist, and sneered at regularly.

And you call him a murderer.

My husband is my best friend, partner, lover, support, and provider. I can not imagine life without him.

And you call him a murderer, and support a group that actively supports the slaughter of officers.

Now, you can say all you want about “Of course I wasn’t talking about YOUR husband. Just cops in general.”, but cops in general IS my husband. It is also his coworkers, my friends husbands, my sister in law, brother in law, and countless neighbors. So your comments matter.

They matter because you have clout. It is earned clout too! You have made some of the most iconic movies ever. The insight you have into your various characters is nothing short of astounding, yet you aren’t using that discernment when it comes to our officers.

No, you prefer to call them murderers and support the people who want to murder cops. We call that irony. Sick, twisted, irony.

I implore you to look at the facts about police brutality and the mindset of those in the #BlackLivesMatter crowd. If, after researching all that with an open mind, you still believe that all cops are murderers, I will pray for your heart to soften toward all the officers in my life who have never taken a life; and God willing, never will have to.

Sincerely,
An LEO wife

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Rage. That is my predominate emotion lately. Rage at those who call for the execution of officers. Rage at those who carry out that call. Rage at those who cheer gleefully when they hear of an officer being cut down.

No officer is safe because these animals don’t care about who they kill, just THAT they kill someone wearing the uniform.

It never occurs to them that the man they see die has a wife at home tucking their children into bed, telling them daddy will be home in the morning. The mother lies to her children unknowingly.

These deranged souls don’t see the 2 am knock on the door, where the wife sees her husbands Captain, her pastor and a representative from the mental care side of policing. They don’t see her knees buckle even before anyone says a word.

They don’t have to explain to a four year old why daddy is never coming home again.

No, all they do is pull a trigger over and over again.

I pray daily, hourly in fact, that my husband is safe. That he comes home and kisses me again. That the kids get to say “Daddy! Watch this!” just one more time. Every time he leaves for work I wonder if it will be the last. But I can’t dwell on that because kids have homework to do, showers to take and dinner to eat.

What is the focus of these sick demented people? It is singular. Kill.

My rage builds with each officer I hear about. And I have nowhere to put that rage. So I push it down, way far down, and I cry. I pray. I donate when and where I can to the constant stream of sites.

And I secretly wait for husband to call, text, or come home before I can breathe again. Because then I at least have one more day, one more kiss, one more time to tell him how much I love him. And then he leaves for work again.

If you’re reading this and you have supported the Black Lives Matter crowd, or silently cheered when you hear of another officer gunned down, or are planning to kill an officer, know that I am praying for your heart to be softened. That’s all I can do for you. Because you hate me and my husband without knowing us, anything I might say to you will fall on deaf ears.

To those officers out there, trying to protect us all, know that you are covered in prayer as well. And should the unthinkable happen, know that we will not rest until justice prevails. Because we ARE family.